Based on a true story

Once was a promising young linebacker and honor student. One night, he was at a party. He had quite enough to drink and while he was talking to a friend, he fell out the window. He became paralyzed from the neck down and had to spend the rest of his life in a wheel chair that moved by blowing into a straw. Unfortunately, the rest of his life wasn't much longer. Two months later, he was at the same house during another party and mixed up his beverage straw with his wheel chair straw and backed into the pool. Now, it is hard enough to pull a soaking wet quadriplegic out of a pool, but it is even harder to pull one out that is doing doughnuts in the deep end because their moving straw is malfunctioning. In conclusion, here lies Lucky O'Hurly.