Play Time

How to tell your kid he was born into a family of cannibals.

Jackass Phone Plan

-Free restaurant and movie minutes
-10 two-note ringtones of annoying rap songs that weren't good when they were high quality mp3s
-Anytime talking about how great your plan is
-1000 talking on the phone while somebody is trying to help you (i.e. grocery store or bank) minutes
-Unlimited talking while driving minutes
-Free Jackass to Jackass calling

Manbees and Womenbirds

I was in the shower, minding my own business (I wasn't acctually minding my business; I was washing my hair), when I realized, men and women are different. I think it all comes down to men want a 100 yard dash, while women want a scavanger hunt. And being too proud to ask for directions, we keep running wind sprints until we eventually stumble over the prize. And that Johnny is the story of the birds and the bees..... use a condom.

Opportunity

Since opportunity only Knocks once, it is probably an axe murderer.

Trees In Love

Diet Pills

Motivational Poster