Pulled over

Greatest achievement

To ponder: Do pyromaniacs wear blazers?

The Holidays

Its almost Thanksgiving and that means one thing, its time for santa to poke his hind end into everything. Now I can stand him showing up on commercials, billboards and in front of grocery stores with a bell in his hand. But I do not see a need for a radio station to devote all its time to the eleven christmas songs. Like Usher's version of "rudolf the red nosed reindeer" is any better than the other fifty renditions. I'm not a scrooge, but sitting in the car, listening to kermit the frog's "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas", tends to make me a little ornery. So maybe you radio stations could play holiday music a little closer to Christmas, sorta like a week-before thing. Then I could save my shooting spree for a better time.

The real reason dinosaurs are extinct

Downgraded

My worst fear has come true, I have become a victim of dial-up internet. That's right, my lousy, no good, son of a gun, dirty, rottin, ISP (a guy down the street) dropped me. Without so much as a phone call, he cut me loose, leaving me to fend for myself without my trusty high speed by my side. I don't care how much money your losing, it is just common decency to continue ISing. Well, I have to go eat a sandwich full of sleeping pills. This will be my last post. Ok, maybe not, but I am really pissed.

500

Today I made myself a cake, patted myself on the back, cured cancer and said congratulations to myself for my 500th viewer. Thats right, I'm super popular, practically world renown.* But you probably already knew that, yes you liked me before I was cool. And to my loyal fans, I'd like to know who you are. Do you have a site or blog? Just leave me a comment, please, pretty please with sugar and moneys on top. (I have low self-esteem) Maybe tell me what you like or hate with a fiery passion.
*For those of you confused, look up sarcasm on dictionary.com, then throw yourself of a bridge.

Suicide

The Word

Compulsive Liars Anonymous

Letter to Canada

Dear Canada,

How is everything? Things are good here. Listen, let me just get staraight to the point, we want the strip of land between Alaska and Washington. We aren't trying to be hostile or anything, it is just that you've had that land for quite some time and aren't really using it to its full potential. Plus, how great would it be if we had forty nine contiguous states. Ohh, and befor I forget, Queen takes pawn B5. So, why don't you call me and we'll hammer out the details.

Sincerely,
The U.S.A.


P.S. How about changing the capital to Toronto?